Matt

&lt;matt&gt; last time i was in a rubber suit, tied up, sprayed with glitter all over my fucking body and anally penetrated with rocks

Hmm, where do we begin? In Matt's own words, "I'm partly the product of an incestual relationship."

Matt Ferrero is a young floridian and possibly the dumbest human on the planet. With a BMI of 42 and a height of 5'6" (which he claims is the average in florida.... yeah maybe for women) he is the equivalent of a 300lb man if he were of average height. He keeps himself in a state of fattassery (aka morbid obesity) under the argument that it would take a year to get to a healthy weight range, so why bother?


 * Matt is a troll.
 * Wait, no he's not, he's a valued member of 80h.
 * Wait, I thought he was really a top secret government program to create a perfect target in order to study human behavior?
 * No, no, no. Matt is a perfectly well-adjusted and responsible human being, productive member of society and in no way whatsoever psychologically damaged.
 * LIES!

MATT: A TROLLY INDIVIDUAL
Matt, also known as Triavox, rewt, and a few dozen other handles is a long-time member of 80h, and quite possibly stupidest human in the world. He is known for being a bit of an otaku, and making up ridiculous stories, resulting in the scorn of the rest of 80h, especially that one guy. Reguardless however, of our professional opinion of him, matt has been a long time member of 80h and has gotten the respect that entails. He seems to be a catalyst for conversation and a useful tool when someone needs a target to blow off steam. An avid writer, he has written poems and a book or two, and after hearing a podcast, I can testify he actually has a very nice disembodied voice  voice very reminiscent of microsoft sam. He's also known for having trouble getting people to take him seriously.

The blowjob incident

 * Matt sucks dick for 50$ and a yugioh card.

The Horse incident

 * Matt gets the idea to buy a horse to ride to school to save on gas, hilarity ensues.

The Motherboard incident

 * Matt attempts to install a motherboard, fried cd's and extreme warnings of "don't touch the pins!" ensues.

The Jogging incident

 * Matt gives details on his exercise regimen involving hopping up and down.

The wall socket incident

 * Matt explains how he shocks himself to sleep with his mains power.

The Terminator incident

 * Matt gives details of a super secret new project designed to put to rest any accusation that he's a useless fat lazy prick, he plans to build a fully functioning human height robot!

The Sabriel incident


 * Matt goes out of his way to piss off the only person who's ever NICE to him

The Book incident


 * Matts long running attempts to write a book and his utter delusional failings.

And many, many more.

Quotes
Matt is a sufferer of Farrero's Paradox and the Triavox loop, and as such has a tendency to say the worst things possible as far as giving a good impression of himself.

"i wonder if you can change constants"

"yay for beer at 7 in the morning -_-"

"couldnt hold it in so i pissed out the window in broad daylight.. just hope nobody saw me"

"I HAD A GAY LOVR HIS NME WAS BRANDON ANTONINNI" (our apologies to Brandon)

"the size of the partition in 11443MB how many GB is that, 113gb I guess"

"statistically the lottery is, apart from card games, the safest bet to actually make" 

"im getting a kitty, do they eat anything or just drink milk"

"actually what the fuck is a clitoris anyways"

"i have had multiple sexual encounters with a member of the same sex, but it was not with homosexual intent"

"who the fuck is muzz aldrin and why should i care"

"how could exersising induce a heart attack"

"which is kind of ironic since im partly the product of an incestual relationship"

"obviously this statement is going to be ensued by hilarity, but i say this with all seriousness. with perhaps the exception of blo0d_r3ign i do believe i am currently the most normal person here."

Other
See Also: Farrero's Paradox The Triavox Loop

For other interesting 80h members: Zaddy Aksnowman IUJ ARCKEDA


 * What do we do if he gets pissed when he finds out we have an article making fun of him?
 * Don't worry, it'll be fine as long as he doesn't start edi--DISREGUARD THAT I SUCK COCKS.